After pondering yesterday's post, it occurred to me that there are plenty of athletes out there who currently have a whole lot of untapped potential. As such, here is my quick guide to athletes who I would like more if they were wrestlers. To be clear....these are not the five athletes I think would make the best wrestlers, or 5 athletes I currently don't like (necessarily), just ones I think I would truly enjoy more if they ditched their current sport and started taking some nasty falls off the turnbuckles:
5. The entire French soccer team
First they screw the entire country of Ireland, then they turn on their manager, blow it at the World Cup, and throw the worlds biggest hissy fit? I've got $5 that says they're already under contract with Vince just in case this NXT stable thing doesn't work out.
4. Tom Brady
After a so-so comeback last year, I think Brady should cut ties with football all together and go in to wrestling. I see some versatility here: he's good looking and could definitely buddy up with Cena with the Massachusetts/golden boy connection, but with the model wife and the millions of dollars, he could go heel easily. Interestingly enough, he'd also have automatic heat in Tampa Bay (near TNA headquarters, sorta), the Carolinas (for THE MARK, North Carolina is a hot bed of wrestling history) and Philadelphia (also a city with lots of wrestling history) because of his Super Bowl wins. This could also be used to the WWE's advantage during football season when they start losing ratings to Monday Night Football. Why fight forces when you can use them Daniel-san? Just don't ever let him reference the XFL, and I think we're good to go on this one.
3. Venus and Serena Williams
It's no secret that I hate the Divas division of the WWE, and TNA is doing their damnedest to catch up with them in terms of insulting every female alive. That's where these two come in. They're jacked, they're not afraid to show some skin, and they've got a crazy father just to add some flair. Start them in a feud where they eat the Bella twins for lunch, and continue from there. Thanks.
2. Kobe Bryant
Everyone outside of LA pretty much already hates him, he's got a cranky irritating wife who I'm SURE would be on camera in a heartbeat if she was asked, and he's got some legitimate badassery cred for not flinching here:
After watching him in the Finals, I not only think he could be a top heel, I think he'd take a dive in to a pile of thumbtacks and get up smiling. Put another way: Kobe Bryant has no soul. He's in.
1. Tiger Woods
Yeah, I'm stealing this from the Historian, but it's one of the best points he's ever made: after everything Tiger's been through, this man is just crying for a heel turn. Apology press conferences? I don't think so. Why? BECAUSE I'M TIGER WOODS AND I'M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!!!! YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS DON'T APPRECIATE HOW GREAT I AM...YOU SHOULD FEEL HONORED TO HAVE EVEN BEEN ABLE TO WATCH ME PLAY!!!! DID I SLEEP WITH ALL THOSE WOMEN, YES I DID, AND I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT.....WHY? BECAUSE I'M TIGER WOODS AND I'M THE MOTHER@#$&% MAN!!!!
Seriously Tiger, what have you got left to lose? Your wife? Your sponsorships? Your winning streak? Nope, they're gone already. It's time for some therapy. More than anyone else in the world, you know Tiger's had some vivid dreams about doing this already. In the words of Nike, Just Do It.
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I'm with you on everybody (especially 2 and 1) but Tom Brady. He seems too soft spoken and gentle to me. I can't picture him as a good trash talker. I can only imagine him building up the opponent in interviews - just like Belichick probably taught him.
ReplyDeleteP.S. That non-flinch by Kobe was pretty amazing.
Wrestling, in its own way, certainly would allow a whole new level of honesty for some of these athletes. You are right... I just can't imagine Tiger Woods is really sorry, and if I am getting this right, being a heal means never having to say your sorry.
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